Battling Guilt
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: When he and Donna are hit by a drunk driver, Josh battles guilt and PTSD.


**I don't own The West Wing and never will. No copyright infringement intended.**

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The car spinning out of control was on a loop in Josh's head. It happened so fast he's still having a hard time processing what exactly happened. He and Donna are currently in the emergency room, and he's tailspinning. He's been hurt, but not as badly as his girlfriend, currently sleeping in a bed. She has a concussion; some bruised ribs, and lost some blood. Meanwhile, Josh is bruised and a few cuts that needed stitches. And although he realizes how irrational he's being in some deep dark place in his mind, Josh is blaming himself for the accident. They got hit by a drunk driver, and he's not entirely sure what happened to the man. It's kind of fuzzy. So knowing that he needed someone to keep him grounded, Josh dialed Sam's number with shaking hands. "Sam?" he asks.

Sam looked at the clock. "It's midnight. What's going on?"

"Drunk driver. Donna and I were hit, and we're at the hospital, and she's not getting out," he rambled.

Sam knew he wasn't going to get answers right now – he could already tell Josh was falling apart at the seams. "Tell me what hospital you're at and I'll be there as soon as I can. Calm down and stop panicking, okay? Can you do that for me?"

"Yeah." He told Sam the name of the hospital and then hung up to watch Donna. Josh couldn't focus on anything except for her. What if he had lost her? That could still happen – maybe there were internal injuries they missed. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened to her, and a repeat experience would kill him for sure. He couldn't do this without her. The thought was unfathomable.

When Sam showed up fifteen minutes later, Josh sighed in relief. "Okay, tell me what's going on," Sam demanded. He was glad his best friend didn't appear to be hurt that badly, but emotionally? That was a different story.

"She has a concussion and some other injuries. She needed a transfusion and will probably have to stay here for a few days." His whole body shook, and Josh really wished it wouldn't. He just needed to calm down.

"Josh, are you feeling guilty?" Sam couldn't understand why – it clearly wasn't his fault, so why was Josh blaming himself?

"No," Josh lied. He knew it was stupid, but that didn't matter. His whole mind was buzzing and he could barely breathe.

Sam could tell and forced him to sit down. "Is this your PTSD acting up again? You need me to call Stanley?"

He shook his head. "No! I'm going to be okay. This will pass."

"No it won't, and you know it. Now, is his number in your phone so I can call him? You need to talk to someone right now. I'm worried about you, Josh." Sam didn't want him to fall apart like he had the Christmas after the shooting.

"She's hurt."

"I know she's hurt, Josh, but so are you." Sam patted him on the shoulder and then grabbed Josh's hand to keep him grounded. He calmed down a little, but his body still shook. When Josh calmed down enough for Sam to leave the room, he went out to find someone to help. "Can someone sedate my friend? He suffers from Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, and the accident he was in tonight is causing a minor meltdown. I'm worried about him only – Josh wouldn't hurt anybody but himself."

The nurse looked around the corner. "He's sleeping right now, but come see me if he's having problems when he wakes up."

Sam sighed in relief. "Thank you. I will do just that." He returned to Donna's room.

She opened her eyes. "I think my phone's somewhere around here. Stanley's number is in my contacts. Josh needs to talk to him," Donna whispered.

"How are you?"

"Well, drugged and tired right now, but ask me again in the morning. I haven't been awake that long, but Josh is having problems related to his PTSD?" She yawned.

Sam nodded. "Yeah, it's bad. You're normally the person who can calm him down, but there's no way you're up to it tonight. I'll call him and get Josh on the phone. Go back to sleep."

"Will do," she murmured before her eyes closed and she was dragged back under.

Sam felt bad about calling someone when it was this late, but he figured it was only okay because this was an emergency situation. He gently shook Josh awake and handed the phone to him after explaining what had occurred to Stanley.

His whole body vibrating, Josh tried to calm himself down as he talked to Stanley. "I'm not doing so well," he admitted.

"I know, and that's okay. You went through a pretty traumatic incident tonight, but you're lucky that neither of you were hurt worse. Sam says it seems like you're blaming yourself."

Josh sighed and looked down at his feet. "I should have been paying more attention. If I had, maybe I could have prevented this."

"Josh, stop thinking about that. If it wasn't you, maybe it would have been someone else. The accident could have been deadly, but it wasn't. You and Donna are both alive to tell the tale. Josh, I want you to talk to your psychiatrist about this as soon as possible. I don't want you backsliding. I'm glad Donna and Sam were worried enough to call me tonight. Do not hesitate to call me if you need me again – I don't care what time it is." Stanley wanted to make sure that Josh didn't break apart like this again.

"I'll do that. I promise." Josh and Stanley talked for half an hour. When they hung up, Josh was still clearly wound up, but had calmed down just a little. The conversation had helped out a lot, something Sam was grateful for.

"Since Donna's sleeping, why don't we go get something to eat? I'm sure you haven't eaten anything in a while." Sam didn't want his friend to starve.

Josh didn't want to leave Donna at all and told him so. "I can't leave her alone. What if she wakes up and I'm not here?"

"She's not going to wake up – she's in a drug-induced sleep at the moment. And we won't be gone for long." Sam urged him to get up, and they headed down to the cafeteria. Josh didn't eat much, but it was enough to satisfy his best friend.

Josh fell asleep again when they returned to Donna's room, and Sam followed suit about ten minutes later. It had been a long, exhausting night and he had been woken up from a deep sleep. The next morning, Donna was already awake and watching the two of them by the time Sam and Josh had woken up.

"Hey! You need me to get a nurse or a doctor?" Josh scrambled up and groaned, immediately regretted that action as it pulled on his stitches and the various bruises littering his body.

She shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Did you talk to Stanley?" At Josh's nod, Donna smiled. "Good. Now I'm going to tell you this once – It wasn't your fault, Joshua. We got hit by a drunk driver, which can happen to anybody. Stop blaming yourself." With that, she settled back into the pillow and waited for his response.

"Fine. I love you, Donnatella. Please don't leave me."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm not planning on leaving you. And you don't leave me either, okay? This goes both ways. And I love you too, Joshua."

Donna was discharged from the hospital a few days later, and she and Josh recovered at home together. His PTSD acted up a few times, but Donna and Stanley (and Sam, one time) managed to calm him down. This wouldn't be his last brush with PTSD, unfortunately, but at least Josh didn't have to be alone. And as long as he and Donna had each other, they could get through whatever curveball life through at them.


End file.
